THE FILM IS COMING, SLOWLY

It has been some time now since the previous post here, which – for a person who obsesses upon hastily relieving himself of the displeasureable guilt conduced by knowing that a very achievable task has yet to be tackled – this has proved somewhat burdensome.

To entertain you with a reason for this negligence though… basically, over the past few months, I’d somehow managed to regress back into a state of feeling… busy. A condition that – prior to this experience – I’d actually perceived as being a perfectly normal state of existence, which now, if not in moderation, I’d label as being quite unhealthy.

So what had aggravated this need to wage a war of attrition against my obviously weakening defences and which then culminated in an outbreak of self-imposed stress? …I wasn’t sure. Obviously there are a million things to do with producing a film project independently, but no more than the million I was aware of twelve months ago and perhaps the equivalent I’ll discover again in the months ensuing. I was confused.

In the end I decided to sit below a tree for a while and reflect on the situation at hand, which did prove a positive exercise, not only producing a potential solution, but also identifying the primary carrier. Giving me a face to target blame for reigniting the futile frustration of believing that there’s ‘just not enough time in the day’. And that face, of course, was none other than yours truly.

The findings of the aforementioned did reveal that, as suspected, the conflict hadn’t spawned through the sheer weight of work itself, but rather, through the continually expanding period of personal constraint. Being new to the game, I too, expected the film would have been completed and released by this point and I could be off once again enjoying the freedom of uncertainty; but as it goes, this isn’t the case.

So after submitting to the fact that this mental hindrance was existent and perhaps worsening, I decided – with having already experimented around the subject of my own productivity – to completely remove myself from this life for a week. Allowing my thoughts the uninhibited freedom of the wild.

As my mind now hands me the content for this letter of expression, refreshed, I do observe a lucidness noticeably different to that of the prior months and decide, in defence of my own defence, that I should probably offer thanks to the less opinionated sector of the brain for speaking up and signaling a hoisting of the white flag when a few months ago it was decided – by the overpowering painfully meticulous sector – that we were going to pull the entire story apart, rewrite the narrative, and restructure a more concise version before proceeding with looming discussions potentially holding the key for a shortcut to completion.

The reality is, yes, it has been a slow journey, but such is the pace of Mentawai life and the truth remains that, irrespective of all difficulties, however long it does take, I will continue to be at the mercy of the dominant one because over and above all else we do agree that it’s most important to get this right.

For those that do continue involvement and support throughout the journey, I’m sure you won’t be disappointed. Masurak bagatta.